Death is my Gift
by Eamane SHU
Summary: Wherever I was, I was happy. At Peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I


"_Let the blood flow" The doc stepped back as the blood dripped onto Dawn's feet. _

"_Dawn" Buffy gasped, seeing him standing over her sister. _

"_Buffy!" her sister cried, in pain, seeing her rescuer._

"_This should be interesting" the Doc smirked as he prepared to face the slayer in a battle to the death, but Buffy really didn't have time for him, she had to get to Dawn, on her way to her sister, she pushed him over the edge, not even looking back to check he died. He no longer posed a threat. _

_She started to untie her sister, the battle was over now, they had saved the world again "Here." She let Dawn loose._

_Dawn was sobbing quietly, the cuts were painful, "Buffy it hurts" _

_She started to lead her sister away "I got it. Come here, you're gonna be ok." It was too late. A few drops of Dawn's blood, the key to the key that was her sister, dripped over the edge, and hit something mid-air. Bright light shone as the portal was opened._

_Dawn paused for a moment, sensing that something was wrong. She stared at the portal, she knew what she had to do, she had to end this, "I'm sorry" she told her sister sadly._

"_It doesn't matter"_

_She started to run, to close the portal with her death. She had never really been here, maybe when she was gone she would be forgotten, Buffy wouldn't remember the sister that had interrupted her world._

"_What are you doing?" Buffy stopped her, there was no way she was letting Dawn go, not after all she had been through._

"_I have to jump" Dawn explained to her, her voice high with panic and fear "The energy…"_

"_It'll kill you!" she had to put a stop to Dawn's nonsense. _

"_I know" she replied softly, Buffy stared at her as if she had been stabbed "Buffy I know about the ritual. I have to stop it!"_

"_No!" she countered; there was no way she could let Dawn do this._

"_I have to. Look at what's happening"_

_The portal was larger now, and the walls between dimensions were starting to break down. She glanced over as a huge dragon swept past. _

"_Buffy, you have to let me go. Blood starts it, and until the blood stops flowing, it'll never stop." Buffy stared at her sister pain written all over her face, there was no other way. "You know you have to let me. It has to have the blood" Dawn continued, spiking off a realization in Buffy's mind._

_**Spike's voice in her head "Cause it's always got to be blood"**_

**_Her own voice, comforting Dawn when they had first realized what she was, "It's summer's blood! It's just like mine!"_**

"_**She's me! The monks made her out of me"**_

_**The First Slayer's voice now "Death is your gift"**_

_Buffy realized what she had to do. Dawn's blood, her blood, it was all the same. The monks made Dawn from her blood; her blood would stop the portal._

_Buffy turned around slowly, the sun was rising in the distance, she had never seen a more beautiful sight in her life, it reminded her that life would always go on, the sun would continue to rise, spreading warmth and light over the world as it got higher. _

_Dawn would be safe. _

_That fact alone gave Buffy enough peace of mind to make her decision. She turned back to her sister, peaceful and resolved._

"_Buffy… No!" Dawn realized her sister's plan._

"_Dawnie. I have to" there was no other choice; this was the only option that she was willing to consider._

"_No!" Even to her last Dawn argued with her sister, there was no way she could let Buffy do this._

"_Listen to me." She couldn't argue about this, she had to do it soon "Please, there's not a lot of time, listen."_

_She began to say goodbye, grasping her sister tightly by her arms, not wanting to let go, as Dawn began to cry "Dawn, listen to me. Listen: I love you. I will **always **love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles ... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."_

_Tears streamed down her sister's face as Buffy kissed her goodbye. A look of fierce determination on her face as she turned and ran to the end of the platform, diving into the ball of energy. Leaving her sister alone on the platform. _

_She had died, once before. The master had dropped her into a pool of water and she had drowned. That had been peaceful, she hadn't felt anything. This time it was agony, the lighting coursed through her, causing every nerve in her body to cry out in pain. She hung there for what seemed an eternity, writhing in pain, praying for it to be over._

Then she was gone, and her lifeless body hit the floor. She didn't remember her body hitting the floor, she hadn't been in it at the time, however she knew it had happened, and she could imagine it so vividly that it might as well be a memory.

Buffy had drifted in that place for a while before she remembered what had happened, remembered who she was, or rather who she had been. She did not know how much time had passed since her arrival, it could have been a matter of seconds or minutes or centuries or millennia, she had no way of telling. Time did not exist here, or if it did she had no sense of it and no need of it, she was dead now, and time was inconsequential.

But she remembered who she was, Giles' voice swimming through her head "You are the slayer, Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires..." She was Buffy Anne Summers, her parents were Joyce and Hank Summers, she had a little sister called Dawn, but she wasn't really her sister, she was a key, she had been made by monks, slotted into Buffy's life, like she'd been there all along, she could remember her Mom n Dad bringing Dawnie home for the very first time. She could remember family holidays, swimming in the sea. She could remember fight upon fight upon fight. But none of it was real, well not until recently.

She remembered standing on the platform, leaving Dawn crying, as she leapt to her death… she'd died, that's why she was here… She had died, for Dawn, for the World. Because…because, the reason why evaded her for a time, she had almost died so many times, and for what reason? The slayer…that was it, she remembered now, she was the Slayer. The chosen one, she died so others could live, so others could live with less evil in the world. There was another Slayer now though, Faith, she was doing better now, in prison, where she needed to be, she had found her peace.

Her thoughts turned now to Faith's predecessor, Kendra, she had died at the hand of Drusilla, her own death, her first death, by the hand of the master had called Kendra, then Kendra's death had called Faith, eventually Faith's death would call another slayer, and the world would turn, as it had since the calling of the first slayer. Nobody would be called when she died this time though, the line had moved on, Faith was the slayer now, the burden was now, for the first time Faith's alone to bear. She had moved on, as had Kendra, she could feel the presence of the other slayer, she had also ended up in this place, as did all slayers when their time had passed.

And her time had passed, she could feel it. That's what this place was, it was the end. There was nothing to come; it was a resting place for those who had finished with their mortal lives, one of many places that they could go. This place was peaceful and warm and full of love, love radiated within and around her, the slayers reward, for their services in life they were granted an eternity of peace and love.

Sometimes she thought of her friends, she knew that they were alive and well, she was unsure of how she knew this; however she knew it, deep within her heart. She remembered the comforting feeling of her friends, she remembered sitting with Willow after Angel had broken up with her, she remembered feeling like she was dying, and how Willow had anchored her pain, made her feel better. Xander who always had something warm and loving to say, no wonder they had made him the heart when they had all combined their essences. Anya, new to the group, but completely integral now, always saying exactly what she thought. Tara, who was warm and comforting, and would take care of Willow forever.

And Giles…Giles, a man more like a father than a friend. She had so many memories of him, the day he tried to face the master to prevent her from dying, how she had to knock him unconscious to stop him from going. How he had dragged himself away from grieving the woman he loved, to take care of her, the time that Quentin Travers had fired him for loving her as if she were his own daughter. She remembered the way he cleaned his glasses, how he grinned when something fascinating came up on the 'to kill' list. How he had put his life on the line time after time after time to try and help her.

She didn't really miss her friends, those feelings were absent from her now, grief, regret pain, she had transcended these feelings, moved past them; they were for mortal beings, on another plane, not for those in this place. She remembered those feelings though. The grief and the pain of her mother's death. The memory of walking into the living room to find her mother's body lying on the ground was one of the worst memories that she had possessed. She didn't think her mother was here, in this place, or if she was Buffy certainly couldn't feel her presence. She liked to think from time to time that her mother had ended up in a place like this, but she had no way of knowing for sure. Her mother had died a human death, no mystic complications; she hadn't been a slayer or a hero, so she wasn't entitled to be here, although Buffy sometimes wished that she was. Her mother had been one of the strongest, bravest people that she had known. Before she had known about the dark and dangerous world that her eldest daughter inhabited, she had attacked one of the deadliest vampires the world had seen for many years, simply because he had attacked one of her children. The pain of her mother's death had left her now, all she could feel was the intense feeling of love that she had for her mother.

During her time in this place her thoughts often turned to Angel. The time they had first met, the cross he had given her. She had loved him with all her soul from that day onwards. She remembered their first kiss, and how he had vamped out just afterwards, she remembered every kiss, how his lips felt on hers, soft and sweet. She remembered the first, and only time that they had made love, how it had ripped his soul out of his body, leaving Angelus, to terrorize her and all her friends. He had killed Jenny Calendar, an almost innocent victim in all that mess. Willow managed to restore his soul, not before he had unleashed the demon Acathla upon the world. Buffy had sent him to hell to save the world. It had been the hardest decision that she had ever had to make. Shortly afterwards she had fled to LA, unable to face her friends, dreaming of the love she had lost every night for three months. Then he had come back, somehow, something had decided that he wasn't done, and Buffy supposed that he wasn't, not the way she was, she was completely finished, she had nothing left to give the world.

It had been a doomed love from the start, a vampire and a slayer? Soul or no soul it just wasn't meant to be. Buffy had accepted that fact after he had left for L.A., she had never stopped loving him. She had just realized that it would never have worked. She could see that even more clearly now.

She could look back at everything that had happened in her life with a new perspective, she could see her entire life, the good and the bad, it was all so clear now, like it had been brought into a sharp focus, things made sense. She understood now, why the monks had altered her memory, how else would they have made her willing to give up her life for Dawn's. They had to make her love the key, that was their only way.

Sometimes she wondered how long she had been here, especially after she had been dozing, she let her consciousness drift, not altogether one place nor the other, she let herself go for a while. It was after times like these that she started to forget. Not who she was or what she had done, no those things were important and she could never loose them, but smaller things, such as the feel of the wind on her face, the way a shower relaxed the tense muscles after a hard night's slaying, the smell of her mother's perfume, the pain of a kick in the gut, the taste of peanut butter, the smell of chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven. So many small feelings starting to leave her. But they were no use to her here, these feelings, these smells, these tastes. She could no more get kicked in the gut where she was now than she could taste peanut butter. She had no body to feel, no mouth to taste things. She was beyond that, and she didn't miss what she was loosing, she had been here for eternity, she would be here for eternity, and such things didn't matter anymore.

She had been dozing for quite some time when a faint rumbling in the distance caught her attention. It wasn't that the rumbling was making an interesting noise that attracted her, causing her to focus on herself again, bringing her consciousness back together. This was the first noise that she had heard since she arrived here. She didn't know what it was but it felt wrong, out of place. It was getting progressively louder, like somebody turning up the volume, or a thunderstorm getting closer.

Soon she could make out words, "Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us." A voice coming from somewhere, harsh and loud. But familiar, strangely familiar. "Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing" As unpleasant as it was she recognized it, she couldn't place it though, it was lost to her. "Accept our offering. Know our prayer"

"Osiris here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over" The voice was now causing her physical pain. It was pulling her in every direction possible. "Osiris, let her cross over!". It hurt, it was excruciating, worse than dying. She was pulled away brutally, ripped from her resting place.

She awoke in her coffin.


End file.
